Someone’s Holding Out on Me- NOT.

14045486_10154461401648276_1502590495_oJealousy and envy are widely known as being emotions that are set off by an internal belief that someone is holding out on you- or something won’t happen for you- while these things are frequently happening for other people.

To give place to jealousy or envy, you have to first be unwilling to see that 1. good things are meant to happen to you and 2. that there is more than enough of goodness in the world to go around and more than that, 3. – that there is a faithful Creator who actually LOVES giving His children great gifts.  And maybe you don’t believe in His existence at all.

I currently live in the Vail Valley, Colorado.  This place is mainly known for it’s vibrant ski seasons, with tons of powder snow days, ski gear, multi-million dollar homes, cutting edge interior design, and also for high-end boutique shops.  If there’s anything in the world of worlds that you desire, you can find it in Vail, Colorado.

I work at a condominium/ hotel that is owned privately by a few individuals, who use it as a vacation home, once or twice a year.  Talk about the temptation for jealous and envy.

My heart, on a regular basis, is tried and struggles to believe that 1. God is good, 2. He is worth seeking, and 3. that He has a great plan for my well-being and welfare.

Things haven’t been easy for me… and this for quite a long time.  Losing my Mom in 2010 was a huge blow to my plans and heart. She had committed to paying for half of my private-school education debt (that I attended for two years, until I graduated).  But suddenly, I had no more Mother… and because of that, I lost her faithful friendship, moral and even financial support.  She meant the world to me, and I had to learn how to “do life” without her zeal, passion, and love.  Not an easy task, my friends.

Here in Vail, it’s also a family town… People come here on lavish family vacations.  Many people coming in from Mexico bring their nannies to help them with their children, and I see them enjoying so many luxuries that every, single, day my mind must be “guarded” and protected with the right type of thoughts.

The type of thoughts that I have to remember to focus on are pure, and non-toxic.  The thoughts that I have to focus on are that this world is a momentary, passing shadow of a greater, long-term reality- called Eternity… Next, I have to focus on the fact that even though things haven’t gone the way that I would have wanted, I am still Beloved of the Creator (Yahushua) and that He has promised to always provide for my EVERY need.  So, that in itself should demolish jealousy and envy.  And, it does- but I have to be willing to let my thoughts GO THERE.

And lastly, even though it’s taking longer than I would have wanted to accomplish certain goals, it doesn’t make me a failure or lacking of personal worth or value.  Thus, I can take heart and FEEL 1. successful as I approach every day with a positive/ kind attitude toward others, and 2. I can rid my soul of jealousy and envy because my God is big enough to provide for everything- even the most silly desires of my heart.

I think one of the struggles that I have that can keep me from bringing the truth, is the disappointments from things not going the way that I would have hoped; like losing my Mom, Uncle, and cousin all in the 2 years of time.  It makes you question your beliefs and wonder if God was really good, why would he even allow things kinds of devastations?

And the truth is, that I have no idea… except that in the beginning of time, human beings chose to rebel against His perfect ways and because of that- sin (also known as “death”) entered the world.  Because of death’s existence in the world, people have to now choose a path of life, we have to consciously choose love, hope, faith, and redemption.  These things don’t happen by themselves anymore- like when things weren’t stained by impurity.
Thus, it’s for that reason, that I can understand that 1. God didn’t passively kill my mom and destroy my hope for the future.  Death b/c of human’s fallen nature and the curse that is on creation is what caused my Mother’s death- not God.  Although, he was present and IS present in the midst of all of our suffering. His presence was there to comfort and mourn with us, in our mourning.

It’s focusing on the truth- that brings life, joy, and peace.  What is the truth?  Is the truth that you can meditate your way into happiness?  Is the truth that you can find peace in any religion, faith, or belief system?  Or is the truth a straighter and more “narrow” understanding that is challenged by the statement of Yahushua, “I am the way, the truth, and the life- no man comes to the Father, except through me.”

You see, this generation is selling something to you.  They want your monthly memberships. They want you addicted to that essential oil fragrance… They want you to believe that by lining things up in a certain way- you will find hope and peace.  They want you buying their yoga mats and books on self-help.  But, hope, faith, joy, peace, and the ability to do the right things in life come by a work of something deeper and more powerful than mere human will or even conscious awareness.  It’s by finding this one and only true higher power, that we are able to live the lives we were meant to live and be free to be the people we truly are.

Featured pictures are taken by myself or Jacob Schultz on our recent Lake Constantine, CO hike.  One thing I can do every day to rid myself of toxic thoughts, is to remember to be thankful for the amazing times I’ve had; that I was able to move to Colorado, even though it seemed impossible and that the best is always yet to come.



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